There are scores of movies out there in every language, where two people fight and fight over matters big and small, only to grow closer and finally walk off into the sunset holding hands. In real life, of course, it doesn’t end like that; it’s more like a cycle of throwing things and holding hands, and then throwing things again.
1. Replacing the toothpaste/toilet paper/trash bags
This is probably the number one cause for fights between couples worldwide, unless of course, you live in a mansion and have a team of servants at your disposal (a la Downton Abbey). If you’re like the rest of us, someone has to take care of taking out the trash or replacing the toilet paper, and any one partner can feel like he or she is doing the lion’s share of the work. While these fights rarely yield any solid consensus as to whose job it is, they do work to create a level of intimacy that is yours and yours only.
2. TV/movie choices
The poor TV in your living room has just one remote control which sometimes gets equivalent status as the Sorcerer’s Stone – everyone wants it! It’s highly unlikely that both of you always want to watch the same show or movie on TV, leading to a battle of men in blue versus certain desperate housewives. On the bright side, when you do eventually settle down to watch one person’s favorite show, the other one gets to cuddle up and watch, or go to sleep as the case may be.
3. Vacation plans
If you thought fighting over the remote was bad, welcome to the world of planning vacation!! The fights start with the destination, and then mode of transport, followed by hotel. Then of course, there’re the decisions about what to do and where to go, once there. But after a while, both of you veer towards a middle path and when you have kids, well; your choices don’t count anymore!
4. Family gatherings
It’s Thanksgiving, and you want to spend it at your parents’ place. While your significant other disagrees and would rather go visit his Mommy dearest. They’ve both invited you guys, so what do you do? Things get trickier if either of you have mixed emotions about their in-laws. In most cases, couples take the easy way out; skip the functions on both sides and take off on their own – how’s that for an amicable solution?!
5. The stay in/go out debate
You like to stay in and lounge about while he wants to paint the town red; you want to catch up on The Big Bang Theory marathon, while he wants to go watch the latest 3D flick. Two people with differing personalities who want to do different things but still spend time together – not an easy task by any standards! In this situation, sensible couples take turns to choose what to do, so everyone’s alternately happy/unhappy. The silver lining – each one gets out of their comfort zone and gets to try something different.
6. 50 Shades of disgusting
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You have intimacy, and then you have something called ‘too much information.’ While loving another means loving them warts and all, a little bit of mystery never did anyone any harm. Peeing all over the toilet seat, farting in an A/C car, chewing loudly with your mouth open – these are prime candidates for fight-initiators. It’s a good thing to raise the issue though; different people are repelled by different things and it’s good to know your partner’s triggers.
7. Not enough time
Ah, the curse of the 21st century!! As if the traffic and wonky work hours weren’t enough, when we’re home, we waste what little time we have left with our smart phones and laptops – even in bed!! Now that’s a mood killer if ever there was one! But the thing is, most of us don’t realize how little time we’re spending with our loved ones till they make an issue of it and fight it out. Some fights can truly be enlightening!
8. Friend disapproval
Most people’s friends have seen them through many tough times – college heartbreak, teenage angst, horrid bosses, and wedding jitters. And thus, we’re not any where near ready to letting them go, and their opinions matter a lot to us. Unfortunately, our partners might not agree and you can’t blame them – they just haven’t been through the same stuff that you have. This can lead to quite a few tiffs, but if you’re smart, you’ll know how to lead double lives with each party, and avoid potential meetings that could blow up. It’s walking a tight rope, but worth it in the end!
9. Spending priorities
You think that designer leather handbag is a classic investment that’ll stay with you for years to come. He thinks it’s too much money to spend on the hide of an animal, but he’s perfectly fine with dishing out the same amount for the latest smartphone! Our backgrounds and circumstances dictate a lot of our spending habits and they’re difficult to change, at least instantly. Conversely, a person’s spending priorities can tell you a lot about where they’re from. At least you know what he’ll like for his next birthday!
10. Not enough loving
Fights of this kind can manifest themselves differently – not saying ‘I love you,’ not holding hands, not cuddling, not enough physical intimacy, etc., Now, long term couples are notorious for letting the spark die, so this complaint is completely valid and necessary to stop you and your partner from sinking into the same hole! It’s also kind of adorable; if she complains that you don’t say I love you anymore, means she loves you and wonders if you don’t feel the same about her. How cute is that?
Couples fight; it’s been going on since time immemorial and will continue the same way for ages to come. But fighting is healthy for a relationship and you’ll more often than not learn something new about your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together. In short, a fight with your partner is quite an educational experience and you can decide on coming out the other end with flying colors!
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