24 Signs You’re An Unprofessional Maneater
Sophisticated with a hint of slutty. That’s what you are.
. . . Ok, never mind. You’re actually a lot of slutty. You love men. You work hard, and you sweat hard. And they want you. Because you make it so.
You want them everywhere all the time. You miss them when they’re gone for thirty seconds. You’re a natural heartbreaker. You are an unprofessional maneater, because you do this for fun: nobody’s paying you, and you won’t ever let that happen.
1. You don’t go to the gym to work out . . .
2. You go to stare at the man candy.
3. You catch yourself staring at men in public.
4. And sometimes, not at their faces.
6. In fact, you have a problem with people who have a problem with making out in public.
7. You own the Magic Mike movies on DVD (do people have DVD players anymore or what?).
8. And you watch them so often that the discs are all scratched, the boxes faded, because they’ve been through a lot. You’ve traveled the world together.
9. Your recent google searches are pretty much just the hot male celebs followed by “shirtless”
10. When you go out, you order drinks with straws.
11. Just so the men there are reminded that you have a mouth. You know, for blow jobs.
12. You want the D every day.
13. All day, actually.
14. You go through more vibrators than you do men.
15. And that’s a lot.
16. If you go on a dry spell for too long, you’ll start being sexually attracted to anything
17. Including (but not limited to) plants.
18. On weekends, you dress up and go to bars, waiting for men to come up to you.
19. When they do, you seduce them with all the cliches in the book.
20. Pretty Woman is your favorite movie.
21. And you secretly believe that it could be your life.
22. Minus the whole being a prostitute thing.
23. Your phone is always dead.
24. Because you’re literally always on Tinder.
