He’s Everything I Said I Wanted-Except He’s Not You.
I’ve found a man who happily fulfills every single requirement on my precious list—except for just one thing—he’s not you.
As much as I should have enjoyed hearing his compliments on my appearance, the truth is that words like that have always made me uncomfortable.
It’s not that I am unable to accept compliments—but to me, comments on my physicality are just words, and they really lack meaning when compared to the kind of woman that I am and the kind of heart I know I possess.
In all of our time together, you’ve never told me that I am beautiful—yet, it’s precisely the fact that you haven’t which makes me appreciate you all the more.
You are the only man to ever comment on the kind of woman I am as a reason as to why you’ve spent time with me—and to me there isn’t anything more sincere.
Even as this new man was sitting on my couch, I still found myself thinking of you—and when he slid his thick arm around my tender shoulders, my first thought was that it didn’t fit.
I don’t know why it always seemed to fit with you, but for some mystical unspoken reason it just did.
Some people say it’s a matter of time spent together, but I don’t believe in that—because I remember the first time I kissed and hugged you—there was only ever the feeling of wanting more.
It seems that I should have known that he was after more than just watching a movie with me, but still, when he kissed me—it came as a surprise.
I didn’t like it at first, but still I found myself kissing him a few more times, just to see if suddenly I would feel that spark that I had become so addicted to because of you—but I never did.
I’ve never thought of myself as a woman who would ever do that, but the truth is, while you could always make me forget about any other man—no other man can make me forget about you.
I know that in all likelihood you no longer think of me—and that’s okay, because I never wanted to force anything or to twist your arm to explore a road you had no desire to travel down.
But for me, it was an experience that I had spent months longing for—a man who on paper was everything I said that I wanted and needed. Except than when push came to shove, the only thing he wasn’t also became the most important thing—he just wasn’t you.
Even though this man is all I said I needed—I didn’t really and truly want him, and so I’ve let him go.
Some may say that I am being closed off, because you still have a hold on my heart, but the truth is that I so badly wanted this new man to take your place inside my thoughts and desires that I was actually disappointed when I admitted he wouldn’t ever have that potential.
However, I have to believe that when a man finally does come into my life—someone who fits me—you’ll dissolve from my heart as effortlessly as the snow has after a long winter, leaving tiny green shoots of hope in its place.
I’ve wondered—as I sit in the dappled sunlight, with the early spring breeze lifting my hair—how long I could really love you, getting absolutely nothing in return.
Maybe in the past I would have tried by any means necessary to forget about you—which included making poor choices and seeking artificial substitutes—but now I simply soak in the present moment.
I truly believe that we think and feel whatever we do for a reason—and I have faith that when I am meant to get over you, I will. Until then though, I am concentrating on myself and my own amazing life.
I’m not dating just anyone who asks, because now that I really know what I want—and deserve—I’ve also lost the ability to settle for anything less than that. The beautiful truth is that I am just waiting for my love story to begin, because I know that it’s out there already in the works.
I don’t know who it will be with—or when—but I trust in the divine timing of the universe and all of its plans.
I have no doubt that my forever love is out there—and when the time is right, I know that we won’t simply fall into love, but we’ll realize that we’ve been growing in it all along.
Author: Kate Rose